"So, how does that make you feel?"

Words of psychiatrists who earn mega bucks an hour just listening to people and giving obvious advice. It can only happen on TV.

What a way to fill the blog. Since PBSM reclaimed their hall, there was no training this week and so, no report. Fret not; I'll be talking about my feelings! (Isn't that what blogs are for now?) Yes, the many feelings and emotions that were pouring in during the final match of this year's PFL Div. 2.

Text message said to be there by 7.45pm. And since I've been living in Malaysia for almost all my life, let's just say I arrived later than 11.45 GMT+8. First thing I noticed was the huge crowd-- huge for a Div. 2 game standard and definitely noisier. So why was I there?

Oh, right, if results go our way we get a medal. One glance at the scoreboard left a sunken feeling at the pit of my stomach. Medal hopes fading away faster. Probably already vanished.

Half time whistle meant I could go find a seat. Front row next to a few fellow Frontliners and one of them was way more upset than I was. (I wasn't upset, just had that sunken feeling). The person probably knew how to let feelings be known unlike me who'd just bottle it up and wait until it goes off like a time bomb or when a blog post like this comes along.

Fast forward and I found myself updating an ex-Frontliner, who reluctantly had to balik kampung over the holidays, on the scores. It's not easy you know! Sometimes after I've sent one text I'd have to send another one on the next goal a few seconds later.

Prize giving somehow felt less grand than last year. And we all know how the results went. Two weeks ago we had a chance but I have no regrets. No "What if I had" or "I wish I didn't". It was all forgotten as I saw the medals being given away. So why was I there again?

This time, I had no idea. All I knew was that Ugly Betty had already started on TV. Whether it was sadness, anger or happiness that was filling me I couldn't tell.

Oh wait! I know. It's confusion.

Or maybe I forgot how I felt.

Nope, pretty sure I'm still confused.

From whipping boys (and girls) to one time medal contenders, I do believe we can go that extra mile next year and hopefully, I'll have better emotions then. For now, I was just happy I arrived back home in time to catch the last half hour of Ugly Betty.


*This post was written by 300 defender, Sonia, on all her weird feelings inside when watching the last match of Penang League 2009.